Vatican II defines the family as “The Domestic Church”. Saint Pope John Paul II asserts: ‘The family is the basic building block of society”. How true this statement: “How the family goes is the way the society goes.” World history has given evident proof of the fact that when the family comes unraveled, then it is not long before the whole fabric of society also comes unraveled. This being the case, we should do all that we possibly can to fight virulently for the future of the world by fighting for the edification and the sanctification of the family. All of us must do our part!
This short essay will offer five clear and concrete ways by which we can seek to form holy and solid families, keenly aware of the fact that the future of society and of the world at large depends on the future of the family. May Jesus, Mary and Saint Joseph, the perfect family, the Holy Family, be both model and stimulus for our work!
1. MARRIAGE PREPARATION. Unfortunately in recent years marriage preparation courses for couples planning on receiving the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony have been lacking almost to the point of being non-existent! One concrete suggestion: the formation of a team of “Marriage-mentors”. By the term “Marriage mentors” we mean that every couple who has decided on getting married should have someone to guide them in this wonderful vocation that we call Marriage. In concrete, every Parish should have a team of “Marriage mentors”, couples who have a deep spiritual life, love for the family, practical experience in their own marriage vocation, and an authentic love for the Church and the Sacramental life. They will prepare the couples for marriage. This program might entail the mentor couple meeting with the engaged couple on a weekly basis for several months. In the meetings they can pray and study together about exactly what the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony entails. In the professional life, mentors and trainers are absolutely indispensable. Of even greater importance is having marriage mentors prepare couples to embark on the wonderful, but challenging vocation of Holy Matrimony.
2. THE MOST HOLY EUCHARIST. The greatest action the human person can do in this world that connects us to life beyond the grave, eternal life with the Lord, is to receive worthily and with love and devotion the most Holy Eucharist! This is the greatest of all of the Sacraments because it is truly and substantially the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. A couple that attends Mass and receives the Holy Eucharist is really receiving the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. You might even say there is a spiritual HEART TRANSPLANT. If received worthily, both the man and the woman are filled with the love of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. This love will be manifested in their encounters, conversations, and in all that they do. There is nothing more noble and sublime than to have the Sacred Heart of Jesus, burning furnace of Charity, burning within our own hearts. A wonderful practice, if time permits, is the reception of the most Holy Eucharist on a daily basis! Why not make a trial run!
3. WORK TO PLEASE THE OTHER. Love must be manifested in concrete actions. Both husband and wife should make it a point, every day of their married life, to try to do some action that will please or make the other happy. A kind word, a well-deserved compliment, a radiant smile, a small gift, a fervent prayer, a little sacrifice–all of these are small but very important gestures that can really build up their family life. Every night before retiring, already have in mind some concrete gesture you will do for your spouse to make him/her happy the next day. Jesus reminds us that he who is faithful in the small things will be faithful in the large as well!
4. THE ART OF LISTENING WITH LOVE. Many marriages go on the rocks as a result of poor communication, or worse yet, no communication at all!!! Both husband and wife must learn the art of listening to each other. What should be avoided at all costs is interrupting the other when they are communicating what is on their mind and heart that is of great importance to them. Also of capital importance is to avoid prejudging and condemning while the other is speaking! Charity demands respect for the other, most especially when they are speaking. As a priest, I have noticed on various occasions that a person will come in to speak with me to unravel or unload many problems. It might happen that this person unloads with forceful words, tears, pounding on the desk, and raising their voice for a good half-hour. During the course of this unloading, I will often barely express a word, but only listen attentively and with a charitable ear. Then the person gets up relieved and alleviated, thanking me for having helped to resolve their problem. Many people in the world today have nobody on earth to listen to them. This is true even among married couples who have given up dialogue and communication. Let us all strive to cultivate the art of listening with love. How vitally important this is to safeguard the vocation of Holy Matrimony!
5. MERCY, MERCY MERCY!!! Only God is perfect and the just man falls seven times a day. Both husband and wife will fail at times; this is part of being human! Jesus tells us what we have to do: “Be merciful as your heavenly Father is merciful.” The most famous prayer, from the Heart of Jesus Himself, is the Our Father, in which we pray: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In other words, husband and wife must form the habit of being merciful toward the other when they fail. If we live out mercy then God will be merciful to us. It is a two-way street! The English poet, Alexander Pope expressed it succinctly: “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” The Mercy of God means simply forgiving the sinner. Like God, the couple should strive to be slow to anger and rich in mercy.
Father Ed Broom, OMV, is Associate Pastor of St. Peter Chanel Church in Hawaiian Gardens, California. He is a member of the Oblates of the Virgin Mary and was ordained by Saint John Paul II on May 25, 1986. Fr. Ed teaches Catholic Ignatian Marian Spirituality through articles, podcasts, a radio show, retreats and spiritual direction.
