The words that come out of our mouth can do extraordinary good or cause permanent damage. Jesus says that from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Therefore, what we must really strive to transform and convert is the very center of our person—our heart. The human heart must be in a constant state of purification. Jesus also says that our speech should be “yes” or “no”—the rest comes from the enemy. On an even more serious note, Jesus says that every word that comes from our mouth will be subject to judgment. Every time we open our mouth God is recording our words and even our intentions, and they will be judged one day.
Saint James admonishes us to control our words and our speech. He says that we should be slow to speak and quick to listen. Chapter Three of Saint James says we all should do an examination of conscience on the words that issue forth from our mouths, as well as the effects that these words have on others. The tongue is a small member but can do much damage, just as a small fire can start an enormous conflagration. Man can train all types of animals, but not the human tongue. With the same tongue that we praise God, we curse our neighbor. Of great help to curb our tongue is the reminder that we actually receive Holy Communion—the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus—on our tongue.
NO TO GOSSIP! At all costs we should try to avoid giving in to gossip. The person that habitually gives in to gossip or gives a free ear to the gossiper displeases God in many ways.
First, the gossiper is hurting the person whom he is speaking against. This is actually against the fifth commandment: thou shalt not kill! The reason why this is against the fifth commandment is because by gossiping we are damaging the good name or reputation of another person. Indeed we all have a right to our good name, our good reputation. We should apply the Golden Rule to speech. “Do to others what you want them to do to you; say to and about others what you would like them to say to and about you.” We all desire that others be kind to us and speak positively to us and about us; so we should apply this rule to others. Negative speech is poisonous and we should avoid it at all costs—criticizing, judging, condemning, mocking, making fun of, belittling and deriding others. Saint Paul in his letter to the Galatians asserts:”The essence of the law is for us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.”
Second, the gossiper damages the person or persons who are listening to him. By bad-mouthing or dirtying the good name of another by gossip, we are also damaging the person who is listening to us. Adrian Rogers, well-known Baptist preacher from Memphis, Tenn., once preached in a sermon against gossip that our ears are not meant to be garbage-dumps! Indeed, gossip is garbage that passes from the heart, lips and mouth of the gossiper into the ears, mind and heart of the listener. And we all know from experience that once we have heard something negative about a person, it is difficult to erase from our memory-bank. If not present in our conscious mind, it at least remains in our subconscious mind and can surface easily. Saint John Bosco, the great educator and lover of the youth, once complained that when he was young, he heard an adult tell an off-color joke and decades later, as a priest, Bosco could not expunge that dirty story from his memory.
To be blunt and to the point, the gossiper is damaging himself and others because he sins against charity. Saint Thomas Aquinas states that charity is the queen of all virtues. What is charity for Aquinas? Very simply: willing the good of others. The gossiper damages the good name of another and poisons the heart and mind of the listener by negative and uncharitable speech.
Third, the gossiper is hurting God by his speech. God is love. God wills the good of all. God created the world as a large family. God wants all of us to help each other to make it safely to heaven. God sees all things; God hears all that is said—both good and bad. God can even read the very intentions of our hearts. The last Commandment that Jesus left us at the Last Supper was the following: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Love must be expressed in actions and gestures, as well as in speech.
How then can we overcome the ugly habit of negative speech, most especially, the habit of gossip? It can be overcome, better yet it MUST be overcome, with the help of God’s grace and our good will and effort.
First, we must learn to communicate more with the Interior Teacher or Master of our soul—this is the Holy Spirit. As the Holy Spirit transformed the Apostles on that first Pentecost, transforming even their speech, He can also help us to control our tongue and avoid any form of negativism and gossip against our neighbor. A short but efficacious prayer, easy to memorize: “Come Holy Spirit, come through the heart of Mary.”
Second, when you are engaged in speaking, try to imagine that you are in the presence of the Holy Family—Jesus, Mary, and good Saint Joseph—who are listening to your conversation. Is what I am saying about such and such a person pleasing to the three members of the Holy Family? If not, better to curb my tongue. What really matters is what Jesus, Mary, and Saint Joseph think about us and think about our speech patterns. In sum, we cannot please everybody, but we should always try to please Jesus, Mary, and Saint Joseph.
Third and finally, our life should be imbued with these very important qualities gained only through constant practice: silence, reflection, and prayer. Our Lady is our model. Mary treasured silence where she could encounter God. Mary reflected or pondered in her Immaculate Heart—memorialized twice in the Scriptures, when the Shepherds came to visit the infant Jesus and when the twelve year old Jesus was found in the Temple after three days of sorrowful search. Finally, Our Lady prayed constantly and deeply. True prayer transforms us, transforms our thought processes, transforms the movements of our hearts and the utterances of our speech. May Our Lady teach us to glorify God by our words so that we may edify and sanctify our brothers and sisters by our words. Our lady was a true Contemplative in Action! May we become true sons and daughters of our Heavenly Mother Mary!
Father Ed Broom, OMV, is Associate Pastor of St. Peter Chanel Church in Hawaiian Gardens, California. He is a member of the Oblates of the Virgin Mary and was ordained by Saint John Paul II on May 25, 1986. Fr. Ed teaches Catholic Ignatian Marian Spirituality through articles, podcasts, a radio show, retreats and spiritual direction.
